3rd year.

My 3rd year of medical student life coming to an end. My end of year exam is less than 3 weeks away. Since early this month, my daily routine is going to school, coming back home, study, nap, eat, return to study again, sleep and repeat. Until one point of time, I felt really depressing and did not know the purpose of studying anymore. I know you would say study more is for my own knowledge and for my patient's benefit. I knew all these. I have heard it n times in my life. I know what should I do but I just don't feel like doing it. Now.

I was passionate to become a doctor before I entering medical school or I would say before I started clinical phase. For your information, my first two years were all about theory. We have to study to make sure we pass our exam. That is the minimum requirement to enter clinical phase. I was so excited when I knew I was about to begin my new life in hospital. In clinical phase, we have to attend to hospital everyday for bedside teaching. Meaning that I can clerk patients and learn real life cases. But day after day, I slowly realized I lost the passion to become a good doctor. I felt really depressing sometimes seeing so many books piling up on my table. I would just gave up and do nothing for the whole day. But there were also times I was so motivated to study hard. I am weird. This is how I felt throughout this whole year, sometimes feeling demotivated and sometimes feeling motivated. 

So there was one time I made a poll on my ig. The poll was 'Do you regret choosing medicine?' I saw some of my friends chose yes and some chose no. For those we chose no, congratulations, because you are spending your time right. Because 5 years of studies is not a short period of time. For those who chose yes, I can feel you, because this is what I felt, sometimes. I am the one in between yes or no. I think it is not embarrassed to regret your decision now because our brain is still developing until the age of 25 years old. Yes, blame everything to the brain haha. But we must be responsible for our choice since we are adults now. If I were to choose again, I would not enter medicine. Not to say I don't like medicine, I actually like medicine. But in life, what you like may not be what suit you.